


Poison is Not(t) a Joke

by GeminiMoon14



Series: The Woes of a Goblin Girl (or How Does Nott Keep Getting into Trouble?!) [3]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Fantasy Racism, Fluff, Food Poisoning, Found Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Relationships, Poison, Poisoning, Protective Caleb Widogast, Protective Mighty Nein, Protective Mollymauk Tealeaf, Protective Nott (Critical Role), Protective Team, So help me I'll make that a tag, Why isn't it a tag?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:07:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24051820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeminiMoon14/pseuds/GeminiMoon14
Summary: This was bad; really, really bad. Stupid people and their stupid beliefs about species like Tieflings, Half-Orcs, and...Goblins. Almost everyone in this town was stupid and borderline, if not explicitly, racist. And Molly had pissed some of them off so bad it had come to this.
Relationships: Fjord & Jester Lavorre & Beauregard Lionett & Nott & Mollymauk Tealeaf & Caleb Widogast & Yasha, Nott & Mollymauk Tealeaf, The Mighty Nein & Nott
Series: The Woes of a Goblin Girl (or How Does Nott Keep Getting into Trouble?!) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1767250
Comments: 4
Kudos: 64





	Poison is Not(t) a Joke

This was bad; really, really bad. Stupid people and their stupid beliefs about species like Tieflings, Half-Orcs, and... _ Goblins _ . Almost everyone in this town was stupid and borderline, if not explicitly, racist. And Molly had pissed some of them off so bad it had come to this.

The Mighty Nein had  _ not _ been looking for trouble for once, they actually planned to just stay a couple days and do some shopping before they hit the road. Despite the strange- and often malicious- looks given to them, it was actually pleasant and productive. Until a couple hours past midday.

Molly had been at the fruit stand, browsing the produce and flirting with the owner to hopefully lower the price of a batch of strawberries he was interested in, when a group of villagers approached. There were only five but, in a town this small it was a pretty big group. One of them grabbed Molly by his shoulder and shoved him against the fruit stand, the owner letting out a small shriek, as they asked him, “What do ya think you're doing?” 

Molly put his hands up in a non-threatening manner as he replied, “Gentlemen, I’m simply browsing this lady's fine produce and hoping to purchase some. Let’s not risk her wares with some petty squabble when it can be talked through.” The man holding his shoulder grabbed his shirt, shoved him against the stand hard enough to shake it, and spat, “We don’t want your kind here! Matter of fact, we’d like it if you devils just dropped dead!” He stilled and informed the group, “I’m just buying some food for my group and then we’ll be gone. I’m afraid that’s all I can offer.”

The human narrowed his eyes as he reached for his belt and said, “I got a better idea of what you can offer.” Molly caught the flash of a blade before a dagger aimed for his neck just before he struck. Molly flinched, damning himself for being caught off guard, and waited for the blow. 

It never came. There was a loud scream of pain and when Molly realised that nothing happened he opened his eyes. The man’s hand was pinned to the stand, a familiar bolt holding it in place. They all turned to see a small figure, dollface mask in place and yellow eyes gleaming in the light of the day. 

They pointed a finger at the group and commanded, “Let him go, now!” One of the others in the group sneered at her as he mockingly asked, “Or what, little one?” Her own eyes turned cold, something Molly had yet to see, as she angrily replied, “Or the next bolt I fire goes through your thick skull!” As if to prove the seriousness of her command, she reloaded her crossbow and aimed at them. Three of them flinched back, the one still pinned to the fruit stand was too busy trying to free his hand to really pay attention. The man who had mocked her scowled at her in raw defiance. She placed her finger on the trigger, staring daggers right back with an intensity no one expected. The man looked away first and scoffed as he growled, “Let’s go.” 

One of the others pulled the bolt out of their friend’s hand before leaving, mumbling low threats like petulant teenagers. Molly fell onto the ground in relief as he exhaled, “You saved my life, Nott.” The Goblin girl put her weapon away as she told him, “No big deal, you’ve saved me plenty.” Molly got to his feet as he remarked, “Really, I thought they were going to shit themselves the way you pinned that bastard to the stand.” She waved off his compliments, though he could tell she was pleased with herself, and walked towards the stand. 

As an apology for the incident, the owner lowered her price and told them that the group had been causing trouble for many of the merchants just trying to sell wares, no matter the race of the customer. Molly tossed her a gold coin for her troubles and thanked her for the information. She smiled and told him the shops most likely to sell to outsiders. She also warned, “Be careful. They might not seem that threatening but, they won’t let this go.” Molly placed a silver in her palm and thanked her for the warning but assured her that they would be fine. 

As they wandered back, he passed Nott an apple he had purchased from the stand and said, “I feel like the others don’t need to know about today, since we’re leaving tomorrow.” Nott bit into the apple, having checked to make sure no one would notice when her mask was down, and agreed, “Yeah,it’s not a big deal. I bet they’re afraid of us now.” Molly chuckled as he and Nott mockingly imitated the scared expressions of the men.

That night, they settled themselves in the bar downstairs and relaxed after a long day of last minute shopping. While they sat there, Fjord caught sight of a group of men in the corner of the room openly glaring at them and commented, “Don’t turn around but it seems some folk aren’t looking at us too kindly.” Jester, Beau, and Nott immediately whipped around to see who was watching them. 

Notts eyes narrowed as she hissed out, “What are you looking at?!” Three of the four men turned their gazes back to their drinks, nervously looking around, while the fourth slid his gaze to the Goblin’s uncovered face and smirked. The others looked at the standoff as she snarled, “You wanna say something, Fuckface, say it.” He looked away as she turned around and scoffed, “That’s what I thought.” Jester gave her a concerned look as she asked, “What was that, Nott?” Beau crossed her arms as she commented, “Yeah, real unlike you. They hassle you or some shit?”

Nott downed some more alcohol from her flask to avoid answering as they waited for their food to be served. Caleb lifted his head from his book as he asked, “Is everything alright, Liebling? Did they bother you?” The wizard’s eyes flashed with a concerning gleam of malice as Nott assured, “Nah, saw them pestering some people and told them to cut it out.” 

Fjord raised a brow as he questioned, “And you got them to stop?” A little buzzed from her flask, she shot Fjord a look and answered, “Yeah, you don’t believe me?” He raised his hands defensively as he told her, “No, no, I believe you. But why are they watching us like that?” Molly set his tankard down with a thud as he informed them, “They don’t seem to like people like  _ us _ , the racist pricks.” 

Beau tensed, like she was fighting to hold herself back, and asked, “What did they do?” Molly tried to dismiss her accusation when Yasha dropped a heavy hand on his shoulder and politely urged, “What did they  _ do _ , Molly?” Nott, sensing Molly’s discomfort, stated, “They were bugging people at the fruit stand.” Jester’s jaw clenched and asked, “How many of these jerks do we have to beat up?” Molly smirked as he calmly told them, “Well, there  _ were _ five of them.” 

Caleb did a quick headcount of the group that was pretending they were not staring at them and commented, “There’s only four now.” Molly gestured to the Goblin as he remarked, “That would be this little beauty’s handiwork. Practically saved my life.” Her face flushed at the compliment, though she took another swig of her liquor to hide it, and she told him, “You’d’ve done the same for me.” He nodded in agreement as their food arrived as well as an extra surprise.

In addition to their food, there was a platter of meat that no one had requested. Fjord spoke up first as he told the waitress, “Pardon me ma’am, but we didn’t order this.” The human woman paused as she informed the group, “Someone heard about the hassle in the market today and wanted to make it a little better with this.” Molly’s eyes flicked over to the table where the men had been sitting; only to see that they had left at some point during their conversation. He narrowed his eyes in suspicion as Fjord thanked her for her kindness, pressing a silver into her hand as thanks. Her eyes shone with something, remorse possibly, as she told them, “Please enjoy your meals.” 

As they dug in no one touched the extra plate, whether they were still on guard or simply lost their appetite was unclear, except Nott who put a bit in her pockets in case they needed it. The food was good and the company was better. By the end of dinner they were comfortably tipsy, not quite drunk but enough that they were still under the influence. 

They teetered, some a little more heavily intoxicated than others, upstairs into their usual rooming arrangements. While they were preparing to rest, Fjord caught sight of Molly’s worried expression and inquired, “Are you feeling alright?” Mollymauk frowned as he returned, “You ever get the feeling after a fight that something’s still coming?” When the Half-Orc nodded in agreement, he continued, “Ever since we saw those men again, it feels like something’s about to happen and we won’t know what it is until it’s too late.”

In Caleb and Nott’s room, the wizard went through his daily ritual of setting an alarm around their room and reading one of his books to help settle his mind. Nott, on the other hand, was feeling restless. She also felt like something was slowly creeping in and it unsettled her. To get rid of her nerves she decided to find something to gnaw on. She found some pocket bacon that did not last long, before moving on to a bit of meat she had filched from Fjord’s plate when he was not looking. 

When that ran out she moved on to a piece she had taken from the extra platter. She sniffed at it for anything strange and, finding no physical signs of tampering, chewed on it. Feeling a little paranoid, especially after hearing about how his friends had been harassed, Caleb decided to do a quick Detect Magic to assuage his fears. The moment he did, he saw the food in Nott’s hand light up just as she ate it. 

His eyes went wide as he ran to Nott’s side and ordered, “Spit it out! Spit it out now, Nott!” Her brow furrowed in confusion as she asked, “What is it?! What’s wrong Caleb?!” He shook her shoulders and told her, “Whatever you just ate, spit it out!” He placed a hand on her head and examined her eyes, searching for drastic changes. 

He placed his ear to her chest and listened to her heart beat, as she squawked, “Caleb! What are you doing?! Cut it out!” She swiped non-threateningly at him and demanded, “You tell me what’s going on this second Caleb Widogast!” He took her hands in his own as he told her, “Whatever you just ate had something magic about it, I need you to get it out before it affects you.” She paled as she desperately tried to spit up the food she had eaten. Caleb tried to help as she scrambled around, sticking her hand down her throat in an attempt to regurgitate her food to no avail.

She turned towards him and asked, “What’s going to happen to me?!”Caleb pulled her close to his chest as he answered, “I don’t know, Spatz, but you’ll be alright. I won’t let anything bad happen to you.” He rubbed her back soothingly as he lifted her up and said, “Let’s go tell the others and see if they can help you.” 

As he started to carry her to the door, she suddenly let out a shriek and writhed in his arms. He set her onto one of the beds as she wailed and screamed, her body painfully thrashing about on the bed. The alarm in his head went off as Fjord and Molly ran into the room, weapons at the ready, and they asked, “What’s happening?”

Caleb whirled around to face them and yelled, “Get Jester! We need her!” Fjord ran out of the room while Molly sheathed his blades and approached. Just as he joined Caleb at her side, Nott let out a blood-curdling shriek and her body spasmed violently. Molly grabbed at her hand, wincing at her sad whimper of pain, and said, “We got you, darling. Don’t worry we’ll help you through this.” She weakly squeezed his hand, panting and sweating from pain, and whispered, “I know.” 

She let out another scream of agony just as Jester- followed by Beau, Yasha, and Fjord- entered the room in a panic. She looked over Nott and stammered, “O-Okay, you-you’re going to be fine Nott. I-I got this.” As she held her hands over Nott’s small form, Jester’s hands glowed with a comforting light as she cast Lesser Restoration. She examined Nott, checking her temperature and heart rate, only to find that she was too warm and her heart was racing. She panicked as she told the others, “It’s not a sickness or a wound hurting her!”

Caleb walked forward and let them know, “She ate something magical just before this happened.” Jester’s face took on a serious expression as she hovered her hands over the quietly sobbing girl and tried to cast Dispel Magic. The first attempt caused Nott to flinch violently but seemed to lessen the intensity of the pain. Determined, Jester cast the spell again, this time almost fully banishing the magic Nott had ingested.

Her sobs turned to quiet whimpers as the blue Tiefling gently brushed her friend’s hair off her forehead and whispered, “It’s okay, Nott. I got rid of almost all the magic that was hurting you.” The Goblin leaned into the tender touch and let out a small sniffle as Jester ran her thumb across her friend's cheek. 

The other’s sighed in relief as Jester told them, “I got rid of the magic hurting her but she'll need, like, a lot of sleep.” Caleb sat on the bed next to Nott’s diminutive frame and lovingly stroked her face as he remarked, “We cannot let this stand.” Fjord stepped forward and said, “I agree. No one hurts one of our own. Jester and Caleb stay with Nott while the rest of us go looking for answers.” He almost expected Caleb to demand to join them, but the wizard simply stated, “We will keep her safe while you hunt down the arschlochs who did this.”

A few minutes later, while on their way downstairs to investigate, Molly said, “It was those men from earlier. I don’t think it’s coincidence that after Nott shot one of them, they show up just before she gets poisoned, or cursed, or whatever the fuck that was.” Beau’s grim expression turned to smug as she commented, “She shot one of those assholes, awesome.” Molly smiled as he divulged, “Pinned the bastard to the stand with her crossbow and scared the others off.” Yasha raised a brow as she asked, “You saw it?”

Molly froze for a moment before he revealed, “I may have been in the thick of it when it happened but, we didn’t want to worry the group when we were going to leave tomorrow.” Beau, very out of character for her, placed a hand on his shoulder and offered, “If anyone does that shit again tell us so we can beat their asses.” He smiled genuinely as he sighed, “If you insist, unpleasant one.” She punched his shoulder affectionately and said, “Let’s find these pricks so we can get revenge for Nott.” 

He nodded as they walked down. The waitress from earlier was sitting downstairs, a look of guilt plain upon her face. She turned her gaze towards the guests she had served earlier, ran up, and immediately exclaimed, “I’m so, so sorry! I-I didn’t want to! Oh gods, are they dead?!” 

Fjord took her hand and guided her to a table as he responded, “Easy now, what’s this about apologizing?” Tears welled up in her eyes as she confessed, “I did it. I put something in that extra food but, I swear I didn’t want to.” Yasha stabbed her sword’s point into the wooden floor as she demanded, “Explain.” She nodded as she explained, “It was Gerald, he hates outsiders, especially non-humans. When he saw you all were staying here, he forced me to put  _ this _ in that extra platter.” She withdrew a bottle, a pitchblack liquid with a green sheen swirling inside. 

She placed it into Fjord’s hands as she continued, “It causes excruciating pain and death to whoever eats it.” She made eye contact with each of them as she pleaded, “Please, I didn’t want to. H-He made me! I-I-I promise I wouldn’t have if he didn’t-” She sucked in her lip to prevent herself from crying harder and they noticed a large bruise on her wrist, concealed earlier in the midst of their dinner. 

Yasha placed a hand on her shoulder and stated, “We understand.” She shakily wiped away her tears as Molly came forward and, placing a hand on her knee, said, “We just want to know where to find the men who did this.” She eagerly nodded her head and revealed, “They’re probably at The Blind Rat on the other end of town, it’s got cheap booze and no one there will arrest you if... _ something _ happens.” Fjord smiled grimly as he told her, “Don’t worry ma’am. We’ll take care of this.” She smiled and whispered, “Thank you! Thank you!” They walked out of the inn, following her directions to exact revenge.

They found it easy enough, it was not hard when drunk singing could be heard echoing down the streets. The remainder of the Mighty Nein strode inside, faces set into expressions of grim determination, Molly at the front as they entered the bar. He kicked the doors open with a jarring slam. Patrons around choked and sputtered on their drinks or laughed at the victims of the scare as Molly loudly decreed, “Evening! We’re here looking for the bastards who’ve been harassing us! If you’ve seen them just point!”

A few of them looked around confused but, a few surly faces lit up in vengeful joy as they eagerly pointed to the familiar man. Molly tipped his head in thanks at the ones who pointed the group out and sauntered over to the table. Three of them watched cautiously as their final member smirked and commented, “Well, wasn’t expectin’ a devil to walk in so casually.” Molly reflected the same expression, though far more confident, and remarked, “You lot fucked up; you made the mistake of hurting a member of the Mighty Nein and we can’t let that stand.” 

He snatched a tankard from the hands of one man, threw the drink in his face, and brought his makeshift weapon down on another’s head. The one covered in drink shot to his feet, ready to attack Molly, and was roughly shoved against the wall with a whump by Beau. She struck his face repeatedly with her fists as Fjord yanked the one who was struck with the tankard out of his seat and began to hit him. Yasha slammed the pommel of her greatsword against another’s temple and kicked him across the floor.

Other patrons in the room pushed themselves against the wall and began to watch the fight, money exchanging hands a few times. Molly ran around the table, drew his blades, and scissored them just barely touching the ringleader’s throat. 

A hush fell upon the room as he growled, “Just because you hunt in a pack doesn’t mean others will cower.” He pressed the edge of his scimitars harder against his neck, just enough to draw blood, and commanded, “When we leave, you and your boys are going to pay back the people you have hurt and you  _ will _ never hurt anyone like you have again. If you don’t and I find out, I will come back here  _ you will suffer a death so painful you will feel it in the deepest hells of the abyss _ .” The man glared, though his fright at Molly’s threat was apparent, and mumbled, “Whatever.” 

Molly’s glare grew more intense as he dug in his blades and asked, “What was that?” The man struggled to pull away as the Tiefling threatened him and cried out, “Yes, we got it okay?!” He withdrew his blades and turned to the crowd as Fjord told them, “Nothing to see here folks, just a bit of a fight. No worries.” Molly draped an arm across his friend’s shoulders and added, “These fine men will pay for anything broken as penance for dragging our issues in with them.” The group members that were alert grumbled a little but said nothing loud enough to invoke the Mighty Nein’s ire any further.

Before walking out of the bar, Molly turned to the leader and informed him, “One last thing before we go.” The leader grumbled but asked, “What is it?” Molly smashed his fist into his face and dropped him. The Tiefling shook his hand a few times as he remarked, “That was for Nott, you fucking maniac.” With that, he followed his friends outside and back to their inn.

Once they were back, they quickly looked in on Nott- who was lying unconscious in her bed with a blanket tucked under her chin- and found Caleb asleep next to her with Jester resting at the foot of the bed. The wizard’s eye opened as he sensed the intrusion and whispered, “She’ll be fine. She’ll need absolute rest for a few days but we can just carry her while on the road.” 

Molly smiled as he gently ruffled her hair and kissed her forehead. Beau and Yasha left once they saw their Goblin girl peacefully dreaming and Fjord simply nodded in acknowledgement and left the room to go rest in his own room. Molly watched for a few moments before laying his jacket over Jester and whispering, “Sleep well.” 

The next morning, Caleb stayed with Nott while the others fetched breakfast and brought it to their room. Jester ran to an open stand filled with baked goods and returned as swiftly as she could with her purchases. Nott still had a slight fever from the effects of the poison and refused to eat anything. Caleb pleaded with her but she stubbornly kept her mouth shut. 

Molly grimaced as Fjord tried, “C’mon, Nott, one little bite and we’ll leave you alone.” She shot him a look and pointedly clamped her hands over her mouth. Jester tried to ply her with some of her pastries but, despite how longingly she looked at the food, she refused every bite. 

Just as worried as the others, and saddened by the looks of want on the Goblin’s face, Molly sat her in his lap and prodded at her sides. She squealed and laughed as he tickled her, stopping abruptly when he took a morsel of their breakfast and stuck it in her mouth. He held his hands over her mouth to prevent her from trying to spit it out and waited until she stopped struggling and swallowed to let go. She shot him a glare as he told her, “See it’s all safe. Don’t worry.” She dropped her gaze and began to cautiously nibble at her plate. 

Relief flooded the room as Nott ate her breakfast and curled up in Molly’s lap like a tired cat. There were a few chuckles as the group grabbed their things, leaving Nott to rest in Molly’s lap, before Caleb carefully scooped her up and cradled her close to his chest. 

On the road they often let her rest with someone in the cart, trading places when needed. Caleb was first, letting her rest in his lap as he read. When he was told to trade places, Jester slipped in, holding her tightly against her chest and cuddling her. Nott woke up once while Jester was on Nott-duty and the Tiefling had immediately started talking about some of her pranks as a child. 

When Nott next dozed off, Beau had been recruited by Jester into acting as a pillow for the goblin girl. She let Nott lay her head down on her lap and wrapped an arm around her friend but did not actively seek physical affection. Yasha simply held her, much like one would hold a baby, and her friend slept right through it. 

While she slept in Yasha’s strong arms, Jester cast Lesser Restoration on her to help with the effects of the poison. Soon Yasha handed the form of Nott over to Molly, the former slowly rousing with the hand off, who simply set her in his lap and asked, “How are you, darling?” She rubbed at her eyes sleepily as she replied, “M’okay, how’s everyone else?” 

He smiled at her as he ran his claws through her hair and told her, “Much better now that you’re safe. Had us worried for a bit but, we should have known you’d be fine.” She gave him a toothy smile as she yawned and told him, “Yeah you should’ve. I’m really tired today.” He kissed her forehead like he had the night before and said, “Side effect of getting rid of that curse or whatever, but for now rest. You’re gonna need it.” 

She grumbled but settled back down as Molly placed her in Fjord’s arms and he held her close to the chest. Careful not to wake the sleeping Goblin, he used one arm to hold her while he sat in the cart. He, out of sheer boredom, ended up sleeping beside her in the cart. Jester drew the image while drawing silent attention to the scene for the others to enjoy. There were a few quiet chuckles and barely muffled snickers as they continued on. When they both woke up and saw who they were cuddling with it was going to be hilarious.


End file.
